it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
