I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
