How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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