I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Randomize
