She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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