At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize