he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize