party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
