He kissed a someone with a penis
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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