My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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