Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
