I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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