Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm having to shit out rocks
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