You were right. It hurts to walk today.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
