If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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