i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
where are you?
Hypothermia
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
