Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
