After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
