I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
