Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She even gives head with a lisp.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
