So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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