today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
