my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize