So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
