But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
