just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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