I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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