she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is Oprah even human
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
