laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
