i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
