I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
