um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
