I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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