He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
