Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
