Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
