My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
