I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
