.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
