I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
