What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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