you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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