So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
