He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
