cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
