you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
