dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
