just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
