I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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