Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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