just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
