She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
