your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
