just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
