i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
