Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize