please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize