I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
