end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
