dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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