I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
