Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
