Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
