oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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