i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
