The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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