That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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