I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
