Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
