omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
