Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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