This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
