You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
