3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
