Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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