her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
