final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
