1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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