official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
