happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you didnt know i had herpes?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
