we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He passed out mid-signature
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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