no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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