it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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