I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
