I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
