if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i dont even know how to be here
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
