..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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