Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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