Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
