She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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