Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
