first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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