hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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